Friday, January 25, 2013

Taking the Next Baby Step

I’m in the process of reading through the letters of Paul in the New Testament. When I have too much to read, I tend to skim over things, so I’ve just been slowly reading a chapter a day. Sometimes I’ll even read the same chapter two or three times, just to make sure I was paying attention. :)

This morning I grabbed my Bible and tea, and settled in to read Philippians 2. It was one of those times where I open my Bible thinking, God, I know You’re there… but are you there? It’s not that I’m questioning whether or not He exists, or doubting my faith, or feeling uncertain about His love for me. It’s more along the lines of plea, a reminder to see me right now, right where I am.

Hello? Are you here? Do you see me here? You haven’t forgotten, right? I’m the girl who’s still in school, even though some days she doesn’t want to be. But some days she loves it. Yep. That girl. The one who can’t decide what she really wants. You remember. 

What’s the next step, please? I graduate in May. And then? And then…. what?

I don’t know what the next step is. I’m not even sure I know what I want it to be, if I had a choice. Today I want to go to Bible college. Yesterday I wanted to move to Africa and go work in an orphanage. Tomorrow I’ll probably want to get married. And lately, everyday, I want to change the world.

So, my ideal job description (as of right now) would be something along the lines of a writing-world-changing-wife. That sounds about right. 

And yet, with all my thinking, and planning, and dreaming, and wondering… I don’t know the next step. Only God does. And I’m just waiting for Him to shine His light a little farther ahead, so I can see it.

A friend recently sent me the lyrics to a song that talks about this. They say: “I wish I could see just three steps in front of me, but the lamp unto my feet only moves when I take a step...”

Honestly, right now I’d be happy with just one step. Just one. But maybe I miss the steps in the everyday of life. Maybe every day is a step.
Maybe it’s a step to get up every morning and fulfill the roles I carry right now of a student and a friend and a sister and an employee and a daughter and granddaughter. Maybe I’m so busy looking for the gigantic steps we all used to ask for when we played “Mother, May I,” that I miss the baby steps I take every day. And maybe the baby steps are preparing me for the gigantic steps that will be here when the time is right.

So, this morning, I read Philippians 2:13. "for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure"

God is working in me. He is working in me right now, in the baby steps. He is working in the everydays, shaping me and molding me into who I must be for the next baby step. And the next. And the next.

And I needed to hear that. Maybe you did, too?
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