Every Thirty Seconds...

That's how often someone I visit dies. And most of them, they're under the age of 5. By the time you finish reading this I'll have killed more than 2 kids.

Who am I?...you ask. I'm a mosquito, an agent of poverty—in the preventable disease division.

I'm quite good at it too, if I do say so myself.

Then again, it's not so much that I'm the one killing.

It's what I carry that does the damage.

You people in the good old USA...you don't usually have to worry about this.

In your country, I'm just a summertime annoyance. But those 3.3 billion other people living in real poverty around the world? Yeah, they're my targets.

With one bite I can kill. You might doubt my ability to take a life of someone so much larger than myself, but the truth is, in a single year, we mosquitoes can kill 655,000 children with a single bite

Crazy huh?

Malaria. That's the name of my weapon.

Defense is easy, but not easily brought. Most of the people I target can't afford something as simple as a net to cover them while they sleep.

So me and my comrades will just keep spreading this killer....                      ..........................................................................................                                  

Today is World Malaria Day. A day to raise awareness and spur on action for a disease that should not even be killing one child.

Especially when something as simple as a net can protect a family while they sleep.

One net costs $10. That’s it. The truth is, you CAN help. You can make a difference.

Cause honestly...

"But if anyone has the world's goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God's love abide in him?"

-1 John 3:17 (ESV)

How often do I throw away $10 without even really thinking about it? Something I don’t “need” when I'm at Wal-mart, a coffee here and there, new clothes to add to my already overburdened closet...

We really have it so easy don’t we?

Compassion International has a special fund set up to help those who are at risk of malaria.  To make a difference in the lives of children at risk, visit the Malaria Donation page here.  With the money that is donated to the Malaria fund, Compassion does the following:

provide households at risk with treated mosquito nets

educate family members on malaria prevention

treat children suffering from malaria, chagas disease and dengue fever

So today, on World Malaria Day – will you join me in making a difference. While the task seems big – each donation helps…each dollar makes a difference and we need to partner together to make a change!

I'd encourage you to start by watching this video....

Musical Monday - Plead for Me

I was reading 1 John this morning....a short letter, but full of truth. And as I was reading one verse in particular spoke to my heart.

"My little children, I am writing these things to you so that you may not sin. But if anyone does sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous." 

-1 John 2:1

Advocate....

Normally I don't really dig to much into the Greek, but I did today. ESV's translation of "parakletos" is advocate…the word carries the meaning of an intercessor, consoler, a comforter.

Other translations render "parakletos" in 1 John 2:1 like this:

"My dear children, I write this to you so that you will not sin. But if anybody does sin, we have one who speaks to the Father in our defense--Jesus Christ, the Righteous One." NIV

"My dear children, I am writing this to you so that you will not sin. But if anyone does sin, we have an advocate who pleads our case before the Father. He is Jesus Christ, the one who is truly righteous." NLT

It reminds me of what Paul tells us in Romans,

"Who then will condemn us? No one—for Christ Jesus died for us and was raised to life for us, and he is sitting in the place of honor at God’s right hand, pleading for us." 

-Romans 8:34

Jesus has a place of honor. Jesus is at the right hand of God. Jesus is the only righteous one. And Jesus pleads for me!!

He is ALL I need and He supplies and He is a provider and mighty warrior who has already WON.

This victory that Christ has WON for us that we don't even deserve but we are given!

Because of the Cross, the weak can say they have strength, because Christ has risen FROM THE DEAD.  He is alive and we are ALIVE because of who HE IS and because of that, 

We have H O P E.   

There is no one to condemn us, because Christ has taken our guilty verdict upon himself. 

We have hope stronger than the condemnation that our hearts want to pull us under and the sin that tries to enslave us and the hopelessness that may come because our idols are crushed. 

And there is hope that satisfies because it is greater than OUR HEARTS and it is enough for us..
And. That. Changes. Everything.

But, even more wonderfully, he takes the role of my defense attorney, pleading for me with the divine judge. 

And this is not a one-time thing. No. Instead, Christ is continuously interceding for me.

He pleads for me because it is through Him and in Him that I have my standing. The case against me is closed -- no, thrown out even. 

Acquitted because Jesus' righteousness has been imputed to my account. As if I've never sinned…that is the standing that I have before God -- ONLY because of Jesus and His perfect sacrifice that was accepted by the Father.

We are HIS BELOVED and heirs with the One who saves, heals, comforts, transforms and changes those who have nothing but shame and sin and  gives them a purpose and an identity and a reality and an unshakeable everything...

VERSE 1
When I am weak I lift up my eyes
To see my Savior plead for me
When fear closes in and doubt sows a seed
I know my Savior pleads for me

CHORUS
Of Your love there is no doubt
Of Your mercies I am sure
Jesus knows my need and for me intercedes
All my hope is Christ

VERSE 2
When sin rises up I fall to my knees
To see my Savior plead for me
Storms may rage on, but this is my peace:
I know my Savior pleads for
                                                                                                                                      

So so good...

My oh my, it's really been over a month since I posted? I keep wanting to post something, and goodness knows I could write pages of the things God has showing me and revealing to me but it would take me days.

Just...Life is incredible and Jesus is incredible...and 

God. Is. Good.

So so good..

I'm crazy blessed. I mean, in all this mess and hurt and craziness, why do I get it so good??

Ayiyiyi...sometimes I just don't get it. Well most of the time I don't...hmmm..crazy crazy mind blowing love.  

I'm get overwhelmed a lot lately. Overwhelmed by the grace that God has given me—the grace He has shown me in all of the people He’s placed in my life, in the stability of His unchanging promises. He's so faithful...even when I continually mess it up.

"What if some were unfaithful? Does their faithlessness nullify the faithfulness of God? By no means!" ♥

-Romans 3:3-4

Life of late has been more full, challenging, overflowing, complicated, and straight-up exciting than ever. It's not at all simple and it's not at all tidy and it's not at all normal.

And I don't think that's gonna change anytime soon. 

I was talking with a sweet friend back on Spring break a few weeks ago, talking about about plans and dreams and hopes, and what God was leading us to do...

So she asked me where I felt like I was heading in this next year, what my plans were. And I have lot's of ideas (and even some opportunities that will happen,God willing. Kansas City, here I come? )...but what it really ended coming down to was. I don't know. But it's not gonna be normal. 

Yah, a great *vague* answer, I know. :P

But...let me see if I can put into words that make sense.

I started out this year praying that Jesus would change me and mold me and break me. WHATEVER it takes I just want to be like Him. I want to have His heart.

And He's been doing that, God is teaching me so much, and mostly, He's teaching me how much I don't know. And how much I'm messed up and screwed up and flailing and outrageously selfish, and it's not about what I've done for Him, but instead, the scandalous sacrifice He made for me.

THERE ARE A LOT OF FEELINGS TO SORT OUT and there is a lot of gospel to pour out on all this crazy complicated-ness.     

I've been listening to the IHOPKC 24/7 Prayer room live stream a lot lately. And on one of the night-watch sets a few weeks ago, they sang this chorus that has been running through my mind loads: 

"You owe me nothing. I deserve hell. You owe me nothing, but you've given me mercy."

Wow. Just wow.

Can you say overwhelmed?

Sometimes I don't know exactly what to do with all these feelings, and convictions, and learning. I wish I could say it consistently drives me to action. 

But honestly? I just keep seeing how much I don't love people, and how prone I am to wanting to please people, and my pride, and how complacent I can be...and so many things.

And sometimes...I feel like giving up, and eating chocolate. Hah. No lie. Sometimes I want to spend hours talking with my best friends about boys and fashion and school and life. I want to spend my money. I want to be a normal young woman living in America, sometimes. 

But I want other things more. All the time.

I want Jesus. I want to be challenged endlessly. I want to share God's love with people who otherwise might not know it. I want to work so hard that I end every day too tired to move. I want to make some kind of difference, no matter how small, and I want to follow the calling God has placed on my heart. I want to give my life away, to serve the Lord with each breath.

But I can't. Not on my own strength.

But the beautiful thing about the Gospel is that it radiates through our weaknesses.  That humbles me so much!!  It leads me to the place of knowing I don't deserve this CRAZY LOVE AT ALL but God gives is freely.  He pours it out on those that love Him.  

This love that never ends...never fails...never gives up on us.  

That promise is so precious to my heart and daily I am learning deeper what that truly means. 

"If I say, “I will not mention him,or speak any more in his name,” there is in my heart as it were a burning fire shut up in my bones, and I am weary with holding it in, and I cannot..."
-Jeremiah 20:9

I don't deserve the amount of love that keeps spilling over everything in my life.  I was tired the other day and worn out. And the there were two notes in my inbox about how I am encouraging and a glimpse of Jesus. 

  

Whhhaat? 

 

I do not feel that way.  I feel totally inadequate and dependent so much on Jesus for everything.  I cannot do it alone. AND thinking about that... I realized again this week how this is where the Gospel starts to take root... 

At the end of me.

People tell me I have such faith, and it kills me. Because honestly?  I feel like I don't understand how deep God's love is for me.  I totally don't understand just how deep it is yet.  I don't see how people see Jesus in me because I don't feel like I'm strong.

So, well, I could ramble on and on and on....but I'm exactly sure where I'm going here. It's getting late and although I've tried to edit this post into some coherence of thought.  Yah. That's not really happening, so I think I'll just post this as it is. :)

I'm caught in the rhythms of grace.  He keeps providing what I need.  He continues to blow my mind with so much love.

And my heart is...Captured.  Captivated. By the heart of my Savior....

                                                                                                                                                 

 

Living Present...

So I think I might finally be learning to live in the moment.

Of course, the day after I write this, I’ll feel like I need to learn the lesson all over again, as usual.

But there’s a difference you know, between living in the moment and living for the moment. We’re often told not to live for the moment without consideration of what’s coming next, because that mindset can lead us down some dark roads and leave us with heavy baggage.

But living in the moment is different. It’s a kind of living that intentionally sees the moment. It’s living present, right there, apart of each moment that passes instead of mentally absent, planning for moments that are yet to come or anticipating events that may never happen.

Living in the moment breathes thankfulness, too. Because when I’m moving slow enough to intentionally see this life I’m part of, what other response is there?

hikes in the snow

crazy wonderful sibs

singing..in choir-with friends-by myself-inside-outside-all the time

opportunites. open doors.

 new friends. old friends.

Part of this living-in-the-moment lesson has begun pressing a new lesson into my sometimes-thick skull. It’s reminded me that I don’t have to have everything spelled out. I don’t always have to know the plan. It’s okay. I can live here—right now—without being consumed by what I don’t know. The One I follow knows me inside and out, and He knows the plan.

I think this is a lesson I’ll always be in a state of learning. But the other day, something came out of my mouth that made me think perhaps it’s beginning to sink in a little?

I was talking to a friend about this upcoming summer, about how there are parts of it that are fluid… I might be traveling, or I might be home. This place or that place, this thing or that thing. I don’t know yet. I have hopes, but the plans are up in the air.

“I have no idea what’s going on, and I’m okay with it!” I said over the phone. “I don’t know if I’ve ever said that before.” Then I laughed. We both laughed.

And the next day came and the day after that came, and those are plans I still don’t know, but it doesn’t matter because there are things in life I can’t control and don’t need to control.

What is needed now is just to be present today, in this moment, and to give thanks for it.

sunshine. blue skies. did I mention sunshine?

an unexpected job and a finished project

breakfast with family, smiles over oatmeal and milk, and laughter over the comments of little boys

the wonderful and terrible fact that this semester is almost over. wonderful because school will be finished. terrible because there’s so much to do between now and then…

or the motivation to finish well. so glad it finally showed back up and hoping it sticks around for a while :)

for the moments God creates… that He holds me in His hands and that I’m safe there… and safe here, too, in this moment, because He’s here with me

   

Musical Monday - One Thing Remains

For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.
{Romans 8:38-39}

In death and in life I’m confident about one thing: I am covered by the power of God’s great unfailing love…

Yet, where the struggle lies is with myself. I am unfaithful.

Though I am confident in God’s great love, I am absolutely certain of my own inability to remain faithful to God and all of the things that really matter. 

Thankfully, God’s love is infallible

On and on and on, God’s love continues to rescue us. This is our hope! This is the promise of God-with-us. 

Even when everything else falls apart, even when we have failed, God is faithful, more than faithful!

And it overwhelms.....

 

 Your love never fails/ It never gives up/ It never runs out on me
  Your love

 Higher than the mountains/ That I face
Stronger than the power/ Of the grave
Constant in the trial and the change
One thing remains
One thing remains

 
Because on and on and 
on and on it goes 

It overwhelms/ And satisfies my soul

And I never, ever, 
have to be afraid 

One thing remains 

One thing remains



In death, in life /
I'm confident and covered 

By the power of Your great love 

My debt is paid/ 
There's nothing that can separate
My heart from Your great love